Medical words you might mis-interpret :-)

There are nummerous jargons but the medics are champions in using Latin words which many a patient might not understand or mis-interpret. Try this... :)

Artery - The study of paintings.

Barium - What Doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section - A neighbourhood in Rome
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her.
Colic - A sheep dog.
D&C - Where Washington is.
Dilate - To live long.
Enema - Not a friend.
Fibula - A small lie.
Genital - Not a Jew.
Impotent - Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain - Getting hurt at work.
Morbid - A higher offer.
Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates.
Node - Was aware of...
Outpatient - A person who has fainted.
Post-Operative - Letter carrier.
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery.
Seizure - Roman Emperor.
Tablet - Small table.
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport.
Urine - Opposite of 'you're out'.

Follow the instructions

Patient:
It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.

Doctor:
Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?

Patient:
I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'

The Specialist

'What kind of work do you do?'
 a woman passenger enquired of the man travelling in her train compartment.

'I'm a Naval surgeon,'
he replies.

'My word!'
spluttered the woman,
'How you doctors specialise these days.'

Quick Diagnosis

Nurse:

'Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?'

Doctor:
'Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!'

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